The Dark Sucker Theory

For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent
information has proved otherwise.  Electric bulbs don't emit light; they
suck dark.  Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. 

The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark
has mass and is heavier than light.  First, the basis of the Dark Sucker
Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark.  For example, take the Dark
Sucker in the room you are in.  There is much less dark right next to it
than there is elsewhere.  The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its
capacity to suck dark.  Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much
greater capacity to suck  dark than the ones in this room.
    
So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever.  Once they are full
of dark, they can no longer suck.  This is proven by the dark spot on a
full Dark Sucker.
    
A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker.  A new candle has a white wick. You
can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all
the dark that has been sucked into it.  If you put a pencil next to the
wick of an operating candle, it will turn black.  This is because it got
in the way of the dark flowing into the candle.  One of the disadvantages
of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range. 
    
Also, dark is heavier than light.  If you were to swim just below the
surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light.  If you were to slowly
swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker.
When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness.  This is because
the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light
floats at the top.  The is why it is called light.
    
Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light.  If you were to
stand  in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened
the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But
since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the
closet.
    
Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker.